Rachel Hollis - Beating Self-Doubt and Choosing Joy


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Rachel Hollis - Beating Self-Doubt and Choosing Joy
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There are very few people in the self-development space whose words impact the way I live and shift the way I see the world. Rachel Hollis is one of those people. Today, I’m so excited to share with you a conversation I had with her. This woman stretches her time between a podcast, media company, six books — including this year’s New York Times best-seller Girl, Wash Your Face. She’s one of Inc’s Top 30 Entrepreneurs Under 30, and she has four kids and a loving husband. So, it’s safe to say that Rachel Hollis doesn’t have much free time.  Yet somehow, she manages to do it all...And have time to sit down with me! For this inspiring interview, we talk about how Rachel has navigated anxiety and become the leading female voice on personal development, turned trauma into triumph, and daily chooses joy over comparison. How does she do all this? By counting every little thing a blessing.

"The babies and housework and spreadsheets and meetings and birthday parties to plan, along with a million other things that might overwhelm me... They are just a list of my many, many blessings." - Rachel Hollis

Who Is Rachel Hollis?

If you don't know of this lady, you’re missing out. She is a proud working momma of four children and happily married to her husband Dave Hollis. They live in Texas hill country just outside of Austin, where they run The Hollis Company and try a new restaurant every week on date night. Rachel is a sought after speaker she's got more speaking dates than she knows what to do with.  Rachel is probably most well known as the author of the book Girl, Wash Your Face (which has sold about 4.5 MILLION copies in the last couple of years). Before she wrote all her books, had one of the most successful podcasts in the worldproduced massive conferences, or founded a media company she was a blogger.  Now, Rachel is changing the world. She's the new face of personal development. And I couldn’t be more thrilled about it because I believe there just aren’t enough women in this space!  To the men who follow my content: Don't miss this episode. The material shared today is pure strength. It will empower you to live more aware of yourself and the women in your life. To the ladies who follow my content: This video will change your life. You will feel seen, you will feel refreshed, and you will feel empowered to live the happiest version of your life that you can imagine. Listen to what Rachel shares and apply it; you will experience a happier and more fulfilling life than you may have ever thought possible. The stories and perspectives Rachel shares today are sure to be a healthy dose of motivation and hope for you to chase your heart's desires, overcome the opinions of others, and trade self-doubt for self-confidence!  Here are three tips to beating self-doubt from my conversation with Rachel Hollis!

Beat Self-Doubt by Assigning Powerful Meaning to Trauma

If your story feels hard, scary, and too messy to turn into a masterpiece, I want to encourage you that you are a prime candidate to become wildly successful. Rachel Hollis’ story started with a father who was a pastor with anger issues. They would go to church as a perfectly put-together family, but at home, it was punching walls and raised voices. When Rachel was 14, her brother committed suicide, her family fell apart, and Rachel vowed to get out and take control of her own life as fast as possible. She finished school and moved out at 17. Here’s what Rachel said about challenging life experiences:

“I feel like when you walk through trauma or when you have a hard childhood, you have one of two paths. You're either going to be a victim, and this is going to define you. Or this is going to be the leverage that you need to get to the place that you're going. I heard something recently that I was like, ‘Oh, that hit me in the gut.’ Someone said, might've been you, ‘Sometimes it's more powerful to have an antihero than a hero.’” - Rachel Hollis

In other words, hard life experiences can drive you to live differently, learn whatever it takes to change your circumstances, and defy the odds. We don’t always need a role model to look up to and model our lives after. Sometimes, we need the scary and ugly to clarify what we NEVER want life to be like. I truly believe that successful people are the people who repurpose the mess of their lives into something that most people don’t.  Successful people take the trauma, betrayal, and dashed dreams and say, “I will turn this into my message. I will learn to overcome it. This does not define me. This makes me stronger.” And this is exactly how Rachel views her life experiences.

“I am the woman I am because of what I've walked through. I love my parents so much. I think they did the best they could with what they have. But, if it weren't for how much they struggled to parent [my siblings and me], I wouldn't be the woman I am today. Oftentimes when someone goes through something hard, they have this perception that it made them weak. And man, it made you a warrior! Yes, you have these scars, and these are battle wounds but don't miss the point. Don't miss the message. Don't miss who you might be. Just because the getting of these scars was hard.” - Rachel Hollis

It's essential to define the events in your life correctly in a way that the meaning you give what you experienced serves you. Ask yourself, “Is the meaning I took from this serving me?”. If not, find a new meaning that serves you better and gives you a better emotion. Redefining crucial experiences in your life is literally going to change your blood chemistry in your body and your brain. That's how important this stuff is.  Rachel decided to assign a powerful meaning to a hard childhood early on 17 is pretty young! But some of you have been struggling for years. You've used events in your past to define you negatively or as an excuse for your current story, even though it's an old story. The good news is that choosing a different path can happen at any point. Just because you didn't choose to change the trajectory of your life when you were 19 or 25 or 37 doesn’t mean you can’t choose a new path now. You can! And you can find the same happiness, bliss, and achievement we found by choosing it younger. Beating Self-Doubt Tool #1: Assign a meaning to that/those event(s) that serves you and evokes positive emotions. Choose the path of victory instead of being a victim.

Beat Self-Doubt by Taking Ownership of Your Life, Happiness, and Success

In general, I think people feel invisible in the world today. I believe that it’s true for men, but the more I've been speaking to large crowds, I see so many women who feel invisible in the world because they're not trying to build a $400 million company or they don't look exactly like the world tells us they should. And I think that women AND men are not told enough that they are perfect as they are.  In an effort to be seen and known, most people try to become what they think everyone else wants them to be. But will being what everyone else tells you to be actually make you happy? I was so moved by Rachel’s description of this pressure, especially in the lives of women. 

“Most women, all the women I know, were raised from the time they were little, to believe that to be a good woman is to be good for other people. So if you're a good mom for your children, if you're a good wife for your husband, if you're a good sister, daughter, friend, then you're good. The hard part about that is number one … your value is fully wrapped up in someone else's perception of you. Right? The other thing is, I don't know that anyone is ever deciding that you're a good mom because you're taking care of yourself. No one's ever like, ‘Oh look at Sarah training for a marathon. She's such a good mom.’ And so there is this idea that you've got to show up for other people or you don't have value. What's even crazier is, when you think about it, ‘What about the women who don't want to have children? What about the women who aren't married?’. What, they have no value because they aren’t married or don't have children? It's crazy!” - Rachel Hollis 

In other words, what people value for you might not be what you value or want for yourself. If you’re going to live a big epic life that makes you happy, you have to know what it looks like and go for it, regardless of other people's opinions. In Rachel’s opinion, women often avoid their opportunity to approve of themselves because they’re so busy avoiding others' disapproval.

“What is crushing women are other people's opinions. Right? So they live their lives terrified of failure. Terrified to try. Terrified that they're getting it wrong because their mother-in-law will disapprove or the girls that they went to high school with will see them on Facebook. ... It's crazy. Because those people that you're so terrified of their opinion of you those people are not the ones who will live with regret. Those people are not the ones who can't afford to take their kids on vacation. Those people are not the ones who are struggling for all these things that you want for your life. But you're too afraid to reach for them because of what other people will think. Those other people are not going to be there when it sucks. And it's hard for you. That's all on you.” - Rachel Hollis 

Do you know what’s worse than being disapproved of by another person? Getting to the end of your life and disliking your life because you didn’t live the life you wanted to you lived the life you thought everyone else wanted you to. You don’t have to get to the end of your life and be disappointed with the way that you lived take control. Own your life and make it something you want to live. Beating Self-Doubt Tool #2: Choose to see and recognize yourself. Take control of your life and make it something you love.

Beat Self-Doubt by Building Trust with Yourself

Building trust with yourself is like telling yourself, “If I can trust me, I like me. I'm good. I can achieve it.” It increases your capacity to try new things and live into the highest version of yourself. Rachel built trust with herself by choosing to have enough love for herself and others.

“I had this desire in my heart to be an entrepreneur and build something big and write books and do all these things. Our extended family on both sides wanted me to be a stay-at-home mom. And they were very vocal about the fact that I wasn't. So I was just drowning in that feeling of, ‘I think I'm called to do more. So I will pursue this version of more, but I'll do it kind of in secret like I’ll work really hard, but I won't ever talk about it.’ I was being pulled in too many directions. Finally, I had this realization [where I was] like, ‘Oh, I'm going to choose to be so full of love love for everybody else so much love that I don't seek it out. And other people, I'm going to love them hard. Everybody. Even the people that disapprove of me. I’m gonna love them so much that I won’t need their love because I've got enough for both of us. Like, it sounds a little cheesy, but that really was what changed it for me [and was that moment I] was like, ‘You don't have to keep chasing this thing.’” - Rachel Hollis

As Rachel chose to have enough love for herself and others so much love that she didn’t even need others' opinions — she set her free to be the version of herself that she felt deep down she was supposed to be. If you keep second-guessing your heart's desires, it might be because you’re still looking for love and approval from other people. Beat self-doubt by loving yourself enough to go for the things burning in your soul.  The second thing that helped Rachel build trust with herself and pursue her dreams was honoring who God made her to be.

“It was also the understanding that God made me this way. And for the longest time, I felt shame because I didn't want to be what everyone said I should be. I respect the crap out of moms, it's the hardest job in the world, but it's just not my thing. And so I had shame about that, like massive shame. So for me, it was, ‘Oh, if God put this desire on my heart and if He called me for this, then I can't be wrong at my core.’ ... Like, that's God. That's your potential. That's [Him] trying to say to you, ‘Step into this’. It’s your heart begging your mind to like get out of the way, like, ‘Come on, man, we are called for something.’ So for me, that understanding was, ‘You are loved and worthy and enough just as you are. And that means you don't need to become someone else. That means who you are at your core [is right]. You're doing okay.’” - Rachel Hollis

Whatever is burning on your heart matters. Those things are like a flashlight shining on the things you’re trying to find in the dark. They’re nothing to be ashamed of.  Beating Self-Doubt Tool #3: Love yourself and others so much that you don’t need anyone else's approval. Listen to the things you deeply desire and remember that God made you.

#MAXOUT with Rachel Hollis 

Self-doubt keeps so many people from pursuing their dreams and living a life that makes them happy. So often, self-doubt is rooted in what we think other people are thinking about us. And those people will never experience regret for the things we don’t do. They won’t hurt when our life sucks. We will. We will be the ones who carry the pain of regret if we don't dare to give our desires a chance.  In her honest self-aware way, Rachel will share the tools to help you trade self-doubt and self-confidence and step into who you’ve always wanted to be. If you enjoy this episode, make sure to  tell people, spread the word, share it because I want more people to know about Rache Hollis. I want people in the world to know that people like Rachel exist and that they can find her. If you just found me, subscribe to the podcast. And if you're watching on Youtube subscribe to the channel! Every day on Instagram, I do the two-minute drill. One year, Dave Hollis, Rachel’s husband, won a coaching call with me. You could win next if you make a comment on my post or share a post of your own with #MAXOUT. We pick a winner every day, and cool stuff happens. You can win gear, my book, sometimes a coaching call with me. I might even get Rachel to give a 15-minute coaching call with a winner. 

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Ed Mylett