How your THOUGHTS Create or Destroy Your SELF-CONFIDENCE
What’s up, everybody? Today, I’m bringing you a little solo episode with a lesson that I think is really going to help you #MAXOUT your potential.
In this lesson, I want to talk about SELF-CONFIDENCE. So many of us — myself included — struggle with it. Especially in this world where we’re constantly striving for clicks and likes, it’s so easy to get discouraged and let our self-confidence break. These thoughts of self-doubt and fear come into our minds, and we build them up until they become our beliefs. And if we’re not careful, those limiting beliefs will ultimately defeat us.
We’ve got to find a way to overcome self-doubt. But here’s what I’ve found out: You don’t overcome self-doubt. You have to build something bigger. You need to develop self-confidence that is bigger, stronger, and more powerful than your fear and self-doubt. But how do we do it?
Today, I’m sharing the biggest thing you can do to build strong self-confidence. I’m going to teach you how to counteract your limiting beliefs and use the power of your thoughts to create the SELF-CONFIDENCE you need to WIN.
Before I dive in, I want you to know something: This IS possible for you. You can STOP being limited by your negative thoughts and self-doubt. You weren’t born with those thoughts — You were born believing you were destined for great things. And today, you can begin building confidence in yourself again. Let’s get started.
Self-Doubt Comes from Outside You
Before I dive into the biggest thing you can do to build self-confidence, I think it’s important that we fully understand self-doubt. Here’s the thing: Thoughts of self-doubt do not originate inside your head. You were not born feeling discouraged and defeated. You were not born doubting your self-worth and feeling like you aren’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or worthy enough. You were born with innate goodness, and you had all the self-confidence you needed.
The problem is that as we grow up and interact with other people, these negative thoughts of self-doubt come into our minds, and they usually show up early in our lives. Maybe they came from our parents when they said things like, “Don’t do that. Be quiet. Sit down. Be a good boy. Be a good girl.” Maybe they came from a school teacher who criticized us in front of the class. Or, perhaps, they came from the other kids who teased us on the playground and said mean things. The point is: Those negative thoughts did not come from you. They came from a source outside of you.
But here’s the thing: Our brains are powerful. When a thought comes in, your brain will automatically start trying to prove that it’s true. You will begin recalling events in your life when that belief was true to support that belief.
I think of it as a table. The thought that comes into your mind is the top of the table, and your brain starts building legs and supports under the table to support it. You start thinking of moments in your life when you weren’t smart enough, pretty enough, in the right religion, the right height, the right race, or in the right culture. And each time your brain finds another memory of a time when you felt like you weren’t enough, you build another leg on the table. You support it more and more until you can’t move it at all. At that point, it’s a full belief. And you’re going to have trouble tearing it back down.
Guard Your Beliefs: Dispelling the Four Most Common Flawed Beliefs
That’s why we have to guard our beliefs. We have to be careful about what thoughts we let into our minds because we know that our brains will reinforce and support the beliefs we let in until they defeat us. I think there are four flawed beliefs that we let into our minds that destroy our self-confidence, and I want to take a minute to dispel each of them:
#1: I am my possessions.
I think a lot of people link their self-confidence to the wealth and amount of stuff they own. There’s nothing wrong with having and acquiring possessions, but your worth as a person is not tied to the number of things you own. That couldn’t be further from the truth! You are not better or worse than anyone else based on what you own or don’t own.
#2: I am my accomplishments.
Sometimes people connect their self-worth and confidence to their accomplishments. They think that being successful is the only way to feel confident, but life doesn’t work that way. If you believe that your accomplishments define you, you’re going to have to accomplish more and more to keep feeling confident, and it will never be enough.
#3: I am what other people say.
This is where social media is a real danger. You do not have to define yourself by what other people say about you. Your worth is not determined by the number of likes or followers you get on Instagram. You are valuable because you were born perfect and beautiful. If you’re a person of faith like me, you know that God made you in His image and likeness, and your worth comes from that.
#4: I am what I look like.
You are absolutely NOT defined by what you look like. You are beautiful and perfect exactly the way you are. There is nothing at all wrong with wanting to get in shape and gain or lose some weight to be healthy, but you do not need to change anything about your body to be beautiful or worthy of love.
Do you hold onto any of these flawed beliefs? If you do, it’s time to scratch those thoughts out. I call it scratching the CD. Whenever those thoughts start to play in my head, I think, “Scratch it! Scratch it! Scratch it!” I scratch that thought out. And just like a CD or a DVD might continue to play with just one scratch on it, it might take scratching that thought several times to make a difference. But once I scratch a thought four, five, six, seven times or more, just like a CD, that thought won’t play anymore. I’ve scratched it out, changed my thinking, and shifted my BELIEFS about myself. And you can do it too.
Build Self-Confidence by Keeping Your Promises to Yourself
Now that we’ve dispelled the biggest limiting beliefs that so many of us hold, I want to share the number one thing you can do to build self-confidence that is bigger than your self-doubt. It all comes down to the reputation you have with yourself.
When you’re building self-confidence, the single most important thing you can do is this: Keep your promises to yourself. If you promise yourself you’re going to work out three times this week, work out three times this week. If you promise yourself you’re going to get up an hour early and spend that time meditating before work in the morning, do it. Keep your commitments.
Here’s the thing: Everyone unconfident person I’ve ever met lacks self-confidence because they haven’t kept the promises they’ve made to themselves. They’ve said, “I’m going to get on a healthy diet,” and maybe they’ve done it for a little while, but they didn’t follow-through and reach their goals. Or they’ve said, “I’m going to shift my mindset and create this habit,” but they haven’t actually done it. As a result, they feel like they aren’t capable or worthy.
Confident people are confident because they’ve kept their promises and they have a positive reputation in their own minds. I like to think about the elite athletes I’ve coached. Those people who are at the top of their game often have this “Aw shucks” attitude during interviews, but the truth is, they’re extremely confident. They’ve committed to their training and to improving their skills in their sport, and they’ve followed-through on those commitments. As a result, they have abundant self-confidence, and that’s what makes them the best-of-the-best.
And remember: It’s not enough just to keep your promises to yourself; You have to give yourself the credit you deserve. Each time you follow through on a promise and reach a goal, make sure you take a moment to say, “Hey, I did that. I worked hard, and I deserve the credit for it.” By acknowledging your effort, you give your brain proof that your limiting beliefs aren’t actually true. You support the positive ideas you’re building about yourself, and eventually, those ideas become beliefs that are bigger and stronger than your self-doubt.
#MAXOUT Your Self-Confidence
I hope you learned something from this episode today. If you have one major takeaway, let it be this: You are already worthy. You deserve success! All you need to do to build confidence is make promises to yourself, follow through on them, and then acknowledge your hard work.
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Remember: You are worthy. You are valuable. You are perfect just as you are.
God bless and #MAXOUT everybody! I’ll talk to you later.